Dad's birthday...85!

Today my dad would be 85! How I miss him!  I miss his smile and his laugh.  I miss how he loves the outdoors and would have loved to come visit us in Utah!  He sure would love to see the deer out in our yard.  The deer have been hanging around while we pack.  It's like they sense we are leaving.  They didn't even run away when Jacob was out riding his bike up and down the lane past them! And it snowed today! I will miss the scenic view out the little round window in the family room.  I will miss the deer too.  They have been fun to watch!  Happy Birthday Dad!  I hope you are smiling down on us from Heaven...love and miss you!

  

Fabulous friend day!

With all the stress of house hunting, I got a fun phone call one day.  Donna Miller wanted to fly to town and spend the day with me and Kelly Laing!  Just what Kelly and I needed!  (She too has been house hunting, but they DID find a great one to buy!).  Dave and I got panda express for dinner and this was in my fortune cookie!  So true!  It was a joyous day!

Donna flew in on Saturday morning and Kelly and I picked her up at the airport.  Our fun began the minute we were in the car!  We went and drove past Kelly's new house (she didn't have the keys yet), then we drove past our new rental (we didn't have the keys yet either), and went on up to Kneaders for a yummy cinnamon french toast breakfast!  Our new house is too dangerously close to Kneaders!  Then we did a couple of errands that Donna needed to do, and went on to the Wood Connection.  Donna and Kelly both picked a St. Patrick's project to work on.  We went back to my house (which was in a sad disarray due to packing!) and worked on the projects.  I had my own stuff to work on, but visited more than I got anything done.  We went to JCW's for lunch/dinner.  Donna got to have one of their amazing and huge milkshakes.  She was surprised!  We also went to the Quilted Bear and Donna bought a cute Grandma necklace and charms!  Spending time with these two special ladies totally made my day!  We were on no schedule and just did what we wanted to!  And Donna can fly home and sleep in her own bed after a day of fun!  We told her since she can fly free, she needs to do this more often!  What a joyful day! 

House hunting stress!!

Looking for a house has become such a stressful thing!  We thought we had until April or so to find a house to buy.  We went and got pre-approved and asked our realtor friend Ken to help us look.  Houses have been selling almost as soon as they are listed, making it difficult to find one!  We have looked at so many, and many others that we wanted to, but they were under contract before we could even look at them!  A monkey wrench to our plan came in when John (our brother-in-law and landlord) went ahead and listed his house in February!  We arranged with the realtor to start showing the house in one week - giving us time to declutter and pack up some stuff to make it look better.  We wanted to do what we could to help the house sell for John's sake.  Knowing that it was for sale already and that we weren't finding a house to buy, we decided we needed to find a rental instead.  We talked with Amanda and Nate and decided we needed to still rent together until Nate is done with school.  It will help them and it will help us.  They would have a hard time renting on their own with only one income right now. (Nate does work part time, but mostly goes to school). So we gave up looking for a house to buy and started looking at rentals.  Again, very stressful!  To find anything big enough for all of us was hard.  We looked at a few, but they just weren't set up right for our situation.  When we finally did find 3 different options that we could make work, we were turned down because we weren't a SINGLE family.  The 7 bedroom in Lehi was awesome, and had single young adult men living there (salesmen).  How are THEY a single family!? And we explained our situation to the property manager and he gave us TWO applications.  And then they turned us down.  So frustrating!  Another one we found in Pleasant Grove and the basement was unfinished so we could store all our stuff down there.  Great yard too.  Turns out Randa's uncle is the company who manages the property so he told us who to talk to in the office and tell her Jason said we could all live there.  So I called her right up, she had JUST rented it out that day!!!  Seriously?  It had been available for ever so long, we thought for sure we could get it.  Our last option was a great home in a gated community.  It was a great set up but no yard.  But we were desperate.  We explained our situation to the owner (who had just bought a big home in Pleasant Grove) and he was willing to rent to us!  YAY!  Thought we had it made.  His little boy is in David's class at school.  It was fun to meet them.  Well, turns out there is a HOA and they don't allow non-SINGLE families in the properties!!  The owner felt so bad, but we understood.  It would hurt him if we broke that rule and the HOA found out.  He offered to rent us his basement apartment and above the garage apartment at their new place.  He really wanted to help us!  We went and looked at it, but they were just too small and again, not much of a yard and we would have to share it with them.  We were getting pretty stressed by this time.  We looked for separate places to rent, but again, there was just nothing that was affordable for either the kids or us.  John's house sold in ONE DAY.  WHAT?!  Now the pressure was really on to find a place to live!  I kept telling myself, "it will all work out" and to trust in the Lord and His timing.  I still have troubles doing that, even though He has come through for us every time.  What is wrong with me?  We just kept praying and looking.  We found a house in Orem, the couple understood our situation and gave us an application.  We could make the house work, but weren't thrilled with the location and the small yard with no fence.  But knowing how desperate we were, we were going to apply for it. I looked in the ads the next morning and saw a new listing for a house for rent in Lindon. It was only 4 bedrooms, but we were getting beyond desperate!  We made an appt. and when we met the landlord, we told her our situation and she gave us an application anyway.  We knew we could make this house work!  Most of the basement is unfinished, but Joel can make a room down there and be fine.  Plus all the storage room.  She told us they were accepting applications until Saturday - we were there on Tuesday.  We turned in the application that night and just kept praying.  Saturday would be a long time to wait to see if we get it.  The house is just 3 blocks south of where we lived in Lindon before.  We would be back in the same stake.  Great location too.  Wednesday morning, as I was making arrangements to go apply for the Orem house and give a application fee, the Lindon landlord emailed me and asked me to resend one of the pages because it was blurry.  I obliged! Only a few hours later he sent me an email saying we were chosen for the house!!!  I cried and cried!  Such a relief!!  And we didn't have to wait until Saturday!!  We arranged to meet him the next night and sign the contract and give the down payment and first month's rent.  Prayers are answered and the Lord has gotten us a house for the 3rd time now!  I am learning to trust that it will happen!!  Here are a few pictures of the house that will be our home for at least a year, then it goes month to month and we will decide when to start house hunting to buy our own house.  We are so grateful to have a place to live!!  The house has a huge back yard and a lovely view of Mt. Timp!  We are blessed!!

 We will give Nate and Amanda the master bedroom so they can be upstairs with the kids.  We will take the "guest suite" downstairs with the nice bathroom with double sinks!  Amanda is thrilled to have a closet!  She hasn't had one for so long!  The unfinished part will make a great play room area and their is a "room" for Joel and the rest is storage!  Feeling so blessed and so relieved!  Now to keep packing and get ready for THE MOVE.  yikes!

Update from Megan...

We received this update from Megan after they returned home.  It is beautifully written and shows just how mature she has become.  I really think that one day she and Edwin will be some kind of grief counselors or supporters of people who go through this kind of tragedy.  It was nice to read this email that she sent out to all the friends and family.

To the many people who have messaged me in the last month and a half, I am sorry I haven't returned many messages. Please know that I am not ignoring you and I treasure deeply each word of condolences as well as the uplifting testimonies, quotes, and church articles you have sent. It is just very emotionally draining to talk about William and how we are doing, so thank you cards and returned messages have been slow (even more so for those contacting Edwin). We appreciate the many prayers and thoughts lifted up for us. We feel like they have formed a protective bubble around our family, sparing us some of the grief and darkness we would otherwise be feeling. Thank you all who came to William's service, participated in it, or for sending your wishes and having us in your hearts.

Here is an update on our family, for those I haven't gotten back to yet: 
Shortly after the funeral, we decided to join my parents in Florida for a vacation they already had planned back in December. We both really didn't want to go at first, and Edwin felt like it "was obscene" and like it was "dancing on his son's grave" to be taking a trip so soon. I persuaded him that it would be better than staying in my parent's empty house and would be a welcome distraction and an opportunity to make new happy memories with our other babies. We made it to Florida safe and in one piece (barely - Korban threw up all over me and Edwin twice!) Me and our babies had a stomach bug the weekend after the funeral which made me really weak for a couple days. I thought Korban was over it enough to fly but I think the air pressure change at the end of the flights made him nauseated, poor thing. We flew into Orlando and spent a few days at Disney World. It was hard for us being there, especially seeing the animals and sleeping beauty characters, but not as hard as I thought it would be. It was as if I was trying to soak everything in for William or like he was there with us. Of course Libby loved it. Then we saw some manatees and spent a few days on windy beaches before splitting from my parents.

From Florida we went to California and helped my Mother-in-law, Ruth, to sort through her house/sell/pack/move to Alaska because she just retired (way to go!) My parents, who had originally planned to meet back up with us in Vegas before heading to Utah to see relatives, decided to meet us in California and help finish all the packing. We made a quick stop to see family in Utah before flying home to Alaska last night. Edwin is driving the Uhaul of Ruth's things and Ruth is driving her car behind, ETA Sunday night. Please keep our travelers in your prayers. Today was Liberty's 3rd birthday, which we will celebrate when Daddy is home. Edwin and I will return to Bethel for a couple days this coming week and he will then tentatively work TDY in the Mat-Su Valley for the time being. For now I will be busy house hunting and helping my sister with preschool until I hopefully re-enter the nursing program in Anchorage this fall.

So overall, we're hanging in there. I don't feel strong, but I am strengthened by so many people who have lifted us up during this time and who have been praying for us. I feel strengthened by the love of our Savior and the sweet assurance that God is in charge and is taking care of our boy, as well as the knowledge that we will see him again. It's so hard sometimes though, when every little thing reminds me of him, and yet I want to be reminded of him always. I miss him so much. I am kind of dreading getting "back to real life" after this trip because I hate the idea of a daily routine without William, I hate that I will have to have a new normal. Edwin still harbors a lot of guilt sometimes, but is doing ok. He feels like this is the sickest kind of irony - that he protects people every day, that his responsibility as the father of our home is to protect, that he bought the guns to protect his family, and it ended up killing his son. I keep reminding him that it was just an accident that God, who is all-knowing, allowed to happen. I believe God - even knowing what would happen - still chose to give us William, still felt that we could be trusted to teach him and love him for the short time he would be here. I tell him that God and William aren't sad about William's death and return home, so ultimately, the "how" of his death just doesn't even matter because it wasn't intentional. I keep reminding him that the Lord's mercy covers mistakes as well as sins and that no one blames him. I know that part will take time. Thank you all for your love and support. Our testimonies of life after death and eternal families are stronger now than ever. 

Our Alaska Visitors...

Ron and Karen had a big trip planned to go to Disneyworld in Florida, meeting their daughter and her family who live in DC there, then on to Costa Rica where he would get dental work done.  Don't know, don't ask!  Guess it's cheaper!  Then they were planning to go to Arizona and visit friends, and then come up to Utah to visit us.  Meanwhile, all that happened with Little William, they invited Megan and Edwin to join them in Florida, then they would go on to California and help Edwin's mom pack up her house into a U-haul.  She is retired and moving to Alaska!  It was a really big trip for everyone!  We were thrilled that they would be coming the Utah way and we would get to meet Edwin (and his mom) and their two little children, and of course get to see Ron and Karen.  AND, the cool thing is, those boxes and bins of my mom and dad's stuff that is too fragile to ship to Alaska, I could send in the U-haul!  I have been storing them for 8 years!  I have shipped them a few things here and there, but some of the stuff is just too fragile.  Well, the time was nearing for them to come, and there was so much to do at Edwin's mom's that Ron and Karen ended up going over to California to help there as well and it delayed all of them arriving here.  Instead of having them for a couple of days, they were barely here overnight!  Either way, we will take what we can get and it was nice to see them.  They arrived Tuesday night (instead of Sunday) in time for dinner.  We were still house hunting so left them for a little bit to run see a house - a 7 bedroom house in Lehi that would be amazing to fit us all!  We got the applications, saw the house and hurried back home.  We visited late into the night.  I kept watching Edwin.  He was so quiet. I know he is still really grieving and dealing with guilt. You can see the pain in his face and his demeanor. I hope he will get counseling and lots of priesthood blessings to get him through this whole ordeal.  Megan (nor any of us) blame him at all for what happened and know that if William was still meant to be with us, Heavenly Father would have intervened.  He knows that too, it's just hard when you feel so responsible.  We would ask him questions about Alaska, and being a state trooper etc. and get him to talk and he would for a little bit. Karen showed us pictures from the funeral.  I really thought we would all cry at some point, especially Megan, but we all just really feel peace.  (I'm speaking for us girls as we looked at the pictures and they told us about the funeral).  Eric and his family came over for awhile and Makayela roped Megan and Edwin into playing Old Maid with her.  It was cute.  I was able to give them the little block with a saying on it that I had bought for them, and a Willow Tree Angel called "Angel of Comfort" - a little boy angel holding a dog.  I wrote them a card and included a poem from my sister's funeral (she was 2 when she died) and I hoped they would feel our love when they opened it.  I loved hugging them in person and just enjoyed our visit even though it was so short.  Megan is so grown up, and I know a lot of what she has been through has matured her even more, but I really haven't seen her in so many years, it was just fun to see her being a sweet little momma and so loving and sweet with Edwin.  I cannot even begin to imagine what they are going through, but I pray for them to have comfort and peace. It was interesting to meet Edwin's mom too.  She is driving her car and following Edwin in the U-Haul all the way to Alaska!  The rest of them drove back to Vegas this morning to fly back home.  Little Libby and Korban were cute little kids.  We made them Mickey Waffles and Egg Casserole for breakfast.  Everyone ate a good breakfast and got ready to hit the road.  We were sad to have them leave already, but know they must get going.  We got a few pictures of our whirlwind visit!  Love our Alaska kin!

 Yes, I am stressed and it shows! Bad hair day, and why is my nose red? Love these two sisters-in-law!

 Quite the family resemblance!

Boys will be boys...

We have some cute boys at our house!  Here are just a few random things that make me smile!

Jacob reading the book SNOW. It was one of my favorites as a child and he can read the whole thing! 

 Jacob, David and Zander playing the Wii.  Zander isn't really playing, but he thinks he is!  And the boys get so into it, it's funny to watch them!

 I got to be the guest reader in Jacob's class!  He picked SNOW for me to read!  And it was snowing that day, so it was perfect!  They go to their desks and read after they put their back packs away and put their name in the basket (it's how they take roll).  It was fun to see his class in action and they were very good listeners to the story!  

 Joel is a big help with the kids.  On this day he was lifting and swinging his leg over Zander's head and Zander would just laugh and laugh!  It was so cute! And how Zander says "Joel" is really cute too!

 Whenever I give Zander his little cup with cereal bites in it, he goes right over to the little table and sits down.  Or if I give him a cracker or anything to eat.  It's so cute!  He is so little that the 18 mos. size clothes don't fit him but 12 mos. are too small!  This day, his pants just kept falling off so we took them of for the day!

 100 day at school for Jacob!  

 Jacob doesn't go to Kindergarten until 12:30, so he has lots of time to play with Zander.  Zander loves it!  Here they are blurry because they are doing the Hot Dog Dance with Mickey Mouse!  They laugh and laugh as they run in circles and dance around.  

Love all these cute boys and am happy to be their grandma! (babysitter). 

Disneyland date, day two!

Saturday morning we left the hotel at 8:30 and drove basically around the corner to the parking garage.  We get free parking with our pass, but were totally surprised that they had blocked off the entrance!  It was half an hour before the park even opens and they are turning cars away!  We asked the policeman about it and he said they open it every so often after some cars start leaving.  WHAT?  The parking full at 8:30?  Unbelievable!  So we went back to the hotel parking and walked the back way to the parking structure where you catch the trams for the park.  Crazy!  We couldn't believe it! We also still couldn't believe we were at Disneyland!  By ourselves!  We did a few rides at California Adventures first (Soarin' Over California - my favorite!) and Dave rode the race cars while I sat on a bench and people watched.  He gets on and off fast doing the single rider line.  We decided it was too cold to get wet on the Grizzly River run ride.  We walked around a little bit there, but then headed over to Disneyland.  I was perfectly fine if he wanted to ride the roller coaster, but he said no - not this time.  At Disneyland it was very crowded.  We knew it would be, being Saturday and all.  Lots of people, strollers and electric wheelchairs (Jazzy's) but we were able to just go where we wanted, wait in whatever lines we wanted, no pressures no deadlines, just a relaxing day!  We basically ATE our way through the park.  We tried some foods we hadn't before, and some favorites that we have had on past visits.  We rode Haunted Mansion and we rode Pirates again.  I saved a bench for the first parade while Dave went and rode Thunder Mountain Railroad.  We visited the store at Pooh Corner for my favorite treat, the caramel and chocolate covered marshmallows!  Dave ate his yummy avocado that the Winieckes gave him.  He had a marshmallow stick later.  We had a delicious corn dog and a funnel cake!  And when we walked by the Dole Whip counter, there was hardly a line at all, that never happens, so we jumped right in!  We checked out the new Star Wars building, but decided NOT to wait in line to meet Chewbacca or Kylo Ren.  We watched a lot of the Jedi Training, the little kids are so cute up there! And of course all their parents filming them!  We went in and watched the Golden Horseshoe Review.  That was very fun.  As it turned into evening and closer to time for the "Light the Night parade" it was getting so cold!  We had left our jackets at the hotel because it was such a beautiful day and much warmer than Utah! I had on a long sleeve thermal shirt so I managed, but Dave had to buy a sweatshirt!  And I had him buy me a hot chocolate.  The best hot chocolate ever!  The perfect temperature, and so creamy and good.  We ate Bengal Barbecue for dinner.  That is pretty much our favorite meal in the park.  We squeezed into a spot for the parade and it was very fun but the fireworks were cancelled due to the wind!  So the second night in a row we didn't get to see the fireworks!  Bummer.  The wind was really cold and we left soon after the parade to go back to our hotel and call it a fun vacation!  It was very fun to just spend the day doing whatever we wanted and eating all that good food!  We were too full to get our traditional Mickey Beignets, bummer!  I put a picture of them from the internet just so I can remember how yummy they are.  Next trip!  We have to get a few more trips in before our Annual passes expire.  We are not planning to get them again as the prices are going up.  We have been having a very fun year making trips to Disneyland!  This was a very fun weekend even though it was a whirlwind!  The drive home wasn't too bad until we hit Beaver.  There had been a snowstorm and the traffic was bumper to bumper, barely moving.  Took us an extra 2 hours to get home!  We were going a little stir crazy by then, but grateful to be home.  We saw several cars off the side of the road, down in snow banks.  Home sweet home!